Me and Alcohol.
Me and alcohol have had a long and interesting path, unlike most teenagers I didn’t start drinking until it was actually legal for me to drink; having my first drink shortly after I turned 18. I fell in love with its ability to make a little more open and outgoing especially with girls as this was something I had trouble with all through high school. It quickly became the social lubricant I needed to help me when going out for a while. Since then I’ve become much better socially and my skills have improved considerably where I no longer feel I need alcohol to be socially competent. I still enjoy the feeling it gives me and enjoy drinking but it didn’t take me long for me to figure out that I have a difficult time knowing my limits and being able to draw a line between me having a good night and me blacking out and not remembering large portions of my night. Knowing I have this problem and doing something about it are two completely different things for me and while I’ve had many flirtations with stopping drinking or hoping that I can control myself it has never stuck. I recently took a self-evaluation for drinking and while I’m nowhere being a full blown alcoholic (needing to drink every day, getting shakes if I don’t) I recognize I still have a problem. Understanding that lots of people have occasions where they drink too much I am more susceptible then most people. I’m good at not forming habits with alcohol in the idea that I’m fine without it and I don’t need to cut it out entirely. What I need to do is develop a better ability to use moderation in drinking. To that end I have signed up for a site called moderation management which is an online community for people who have problems with drinking and using moderation.
The Values that guide MM:
- Members take personal responsibility for their own recovery from a drinking problem.
- People helping people is the strength of the organization.
- People who help others to recover also help themselves.
- Self-esteem and self-management are essential to recovery.
- Members treat each other with respect and dignity.
I will limit myself to a moderate amount of drinks when going out and keeping track of it as the night goes with my cell phone. This will allow me to still enjoy the benefits alcohol brings while preventing me from being an idiot and making various choices that I will regret the next day. Writing this out and sharing it potentially with all the people I know will force me to be more responsible and be accountable for my actions.
Been doing this for a few weeks and other then one relapse, this has been making a positive impact in my life. I’ve become more self-aware about how I feel and the choices that I make.
A Week In The Life of Me.
A Week In The Life
Listening: Sleigh Bells – Reign Of Terror / Fun – Some Nights
I was greatly disappointed when I started work today and found out that both of these highly anticipated albums had leaked and I would have to wait until after work to listen to them.
Sleigh Bells is a duo consisting of Derek Miller who was formally the guitar player in metalcore band Poison The Well and Alexis Krauss on vocals who create what I would describe as pop music with a heavy emphasis on simple catchy guitar riffs. Their last album Treats was a favourite of mine and made a year-end appearance on the best albums of that year so needless to say I’m pretty excited to listen to it.
Fun is a trio most notably known for including Nate Reuss formally of the Format who were one of the best power pop bands around until they disbanded in 2008. Fun’s first album “Aim and Ignite” while not as good as either of the Formats albums was still quite enjoyable and although I’m not a huge fan of the first single I hope the rest of the album will live up to the legacy Mr.Reuss’s has.
Playing: Twisted Metal
I’ve been incredibly excited for this game ever since it was first announced and now it’s finally released today. Twisted Metal has always been one of my favorite multiplayer games ever since I picked up my PS2 and a copy of Twisted Metal Black as my first game. This could be the game that replaces Mortal Kombat as my go to multiplayer game when friends come over.
Watching: Friday Night Lights
I started watching this show a couple weeks ago but am now head over heels in love with it. Probably the best TV show I’ve ever watched more so then Lost, True Blood, Entourage or any other TV show I’ve ever gotten really into. FNL has situations that have resonance and impact to similar situations in my life and I’ve actually teared up at the last 2 episodes I’ve watched. Full Eyes, Clear Hearts indeed.
A Week in The Life of Me.
Another rousing update on all the media I’m checking out this week.
Listening - The Menzingers -On The Impossible Past
The Menzingers play the kind of music that you want to grow a beard and wear flannel. Hailing from Philadelphia this quartet sounds like a little bit of The Lawrence Arms mixed with Gaslight Anthem or Against Me. Their last record “Chamberlin Waits” was a slow burner for me but eventually became one of my favorite punk albums from ‘10 and after only one listen this seems like it will be in strong contentions for that same honor this year. Expect this band to blow up and be the next Against Me.
Readin’ - Lost in Shangri-La by Mitchell Zuckoff
I’ve been on a WW2 kick recently after reading a few Erik Larson’s In The Garden Of Beasts which followed the American ambassador and his family in Germany during the rise of the Third Reich and have heard nothing but good things about this one. It follows 3 survivors of a plane crash in a valley in New Guinea where civilization has yet to touch during the events of World War 2.
Drinking - Margeritas
Most of my activity this week will involve me sitting on a beach in Mexico with one of these in my hands…. because when in Rome….
Don’t miss me too much
Jesse
xoxoxoxo
Eat, Pray, Dungeon Mastering.
I’m the dungeon master (or DM) in a weekly dungeons and dragons game the holy grail of ultimate nerds. Now D&D has an enormous stigma associated with it and too most people brings up an image of pimply faced teenagers with braces eating pizza in their moms basement while all the cool kids were going to school dances. D&D is basically like any other board game involving a risk vs. reward system while differing itself by allowing a person to inhabit a different personality drastically different then the way they normally interact with people. There is also a player who is the dungeon master; the dungeon master (or DM) is responsible for planning the adventure as well as running the game while making sure all the players are engaged and having fun. This kind of situation was thrust upon me because I had a modicum of experience more than the other players. A completely different experience then being a player it puts you in an interesting position where you control the fun of other players which has taught me interesting parallels applicable in my real life.
As a DM you are the rule maker who decides whether a player is successful in their actions. Everything from fighting to convincing a bartender to give you the run down on the bat infestation in the local castle is determined by rolling dice and having to meet a bar that I set. Players want a challenge, not to succeed all the time which seems counter intuitive. You would think we would want to succeed all the time but as this game has taught me we enjoy it more if there is an opportunity to fail and thus if we do fail at the same time. Doing something that we’re not sure we will be able to do gives us a sense of accomplishment and makes us enjoy the activity more.
Being a DM also gives you a sense of power that at least to me I am unfamiliar with. Being able to determine whether a character is successful means that you have to be responsible and not let the power go to your head. It’s given me a bit of an ego that I have remember to counterbalance and that the main reason for me doing this is to provide the other players fun. But using this ego responsibly to my advantage gives more of a thrill to the players as I use this to make the player want me to fail and grants more of a high when the player defeats me. I use this in real life by making challenges and competitions with friends for the things I want to accomplish; this gives us a sense of competition and makes us more responsible for our actions. I currently have a competition between myself and my roommate about who can do 50 pull ups in a row first giving me more motivation because I want to kick his ass!
I always try to take lessons I can learn from everything I do and being a DM has provided me an opportunity to take a unique situation and learn from it. I’m excited to have the opportunity to be a player character rather than the DM and what things I can learn from being on the opposite side of the dice.
Till next time
Jesse
xoxoxoxo
A Week In The Life Of Me.
As this blog is here to be somewhat of a diary for me and to show where my head was at. I figured I should start a weekly series that talks about what kind of stuff I’ve been checking out. If you know anything about me it’s that I listen to music constantly, have an unhealthy obsession with the library and amobsessed with all kinds of videogames, movies and tv. Each week I’ll pick the highlights and give you the run down on each. Idea stolen from the omega-level blog.
What I’m Reading - Tne Thousand Saints by Eleanor Henderson
The debut novel from Eleanor Henderson is a coming of age story between a teen his best friend his dads adopted daughter, her step mom and the rest of their mixed up families all set in a 1980s New York. When the main character moves to New York and becomes straight edge ensures the whole book is filled with references to the new york hardcore scene. Eleanor has a knack for getting the feel perfect and makes it seem like you’re right there with them.
Listening - John K. Samson - Provincial
You can’t live in Winnipeg and not fall in love with the music of John K. Samson. Over the four releases from the weakerthans and now his first solo record John’s lyrics are chock full of references to Winnipeg. Now with winter finally starting (something us Winnipegeans are famous for) the record its perfect with snowy bus rides around the city.
Playing - Final Fantasy X
My new years resolution for 2010 was to finish more things that I start. I get super excited to start new things whether their games, books, movies etc. So I’m working through a pretty strong backlog of video games that I started and never finished. I got this game right when I got my ps2 approx 7 years ago played a bunch of, then got to a part I couldn’t beat. While I may be starting again I am committed to not give up.
That’s what I will be checking out this week. Comments & questions Welcome
Jesse
xoxoxoxo
How To Ride A Bus
Today’s entry is about taking the bus and how to act like a civilized person on it and show compassion and kindness for your fellow human being. I’m a bus enthusiast and enjoy the time it gives me to listen to music and read without having other distractions as well as the ecological impact it can have but I am frequently appalled at the actions of my fellow transit takers. Here’s where I take you to task.
By agreeing to take the bus you agree to certain clauses you may be slightly uncomfortable, but your slight discomfort can make other people comfortable which in the case of the bus is for everyone to have as much comfort as possible; sometimes you need to take one for the team.
When taking the bus and an elderly person comes on, immediately get up and offer them a seat. Regardless of their ability to stand and balance, it’s a matter of respect for the elderly that you should have.
Your backpack, bags, other assorted items you have don’t deserve a seat. People also would like to sit down and shouldn’t have to stand because you’re inconsiderate and think your bag is more important than another human being. This is allowed if everyone has a seat but as soon as people get on the bus you must immediately take your bag off even if they are still at the front of the bus. No one should have to ask a person to remove their bag or be felt like they are inconveniencing you for wanting to sit, which is what you’re putting forward when you take your stuff off when they get close to you.
Don’t put your dirty shoes on any seats even if no one else is on the bus. Who knows what crap you’ve walked in on the way to the bus literally and figuratively, which you now are getting on the seat. People will be sitting on that seat in the future and who knows how often they are cleaned.
If there is an open seat on the bus please take it. Again agreeing to take the bus may mean you might have to sit next to someone where you are touching them and slightly uncomfortable but if you decide to stand that has a cause and effect on other people who don’t want to inconvenience you by moving around them to take that seat and before you know it you’ve made a traffic jam of people standing at the front of the bus.
Thanks for reading my rant and happy trails on the bus or otherwise.
Jesse
xoxoxoxo
The Old Man You Become
As we get older we all must make many choices about the person we are and yet to become and at each stage of our lives, presented with different choices we must make. From teenager to middle age and then old age there are unique choices and paths we can follow. For me one of the most difficult choices I am presented with is the 2 different types of old man I can become. They each have benefits and flaws that must be carefully examined to determine the optimal one. They are super nice old man that hits on girls, or the grumpy old man who is angry about everything.
The super nice old man is awesome to meet and loves to talk to anyone and everyone always quickly transitioning into a story about one of 2 things, their kids or their grandchildren. While entertaining at first these story’s will often run on for hours at a time forcing you to get stuck in their trap until you must come up with some sort of excuse to eject yourself from the conversation. They also will have candy of some sort, generally a Werthers Original or mint. This is a genius move on their part to lure you into their trap so that you don’t immediately leave and more inclined to begin a conversation with them.
When interacting with women is where the true strength in their power lays; by disarming a young woman with a candy and a tale about their kids they are then able to touch or say something inappropriate about their looks. If a normal man did any of this women would be disgusted and promptly remove themselves from the situation but due to his “old man charm” they put up with it and allow him to continue. As an old man your ability to pull girls is gone and thus a touch of the leg or a smile from an attractive woman is your bread and butter.
Grumpy old men are exactly the opposite and are frequently rude, mean and love to yell. Instead of charming tales about their grandson’s name and age they will instead go into rants about their children’s attempts to change them, the government or teenagers. At their age this allows them to feel no repercussions and are able to get away with everything. How many times have you wanted to yell at someone for doing something rude at the grocery store, or when you have to wait forever at the doctor’s office but didn’t. The grumpy old man doesn’t care and will start yelling and getting angry, how satisfying this must be!
Even when he just doesn’t understand something like new technology he is fit to go into an uncontrollable rage involving all kinds of cuss words. These men also generally have canes which he is able to hit things and people with, which obviously is awesome.
As you can tell this is not a decision to take lightly as you grow older and is at the forefront of my mind as well should be at yours. This decision can only be made with time and experience and each deserves to get taken for a trial run so you can find the one right for you.
Until next time.
Jesse
xoxoxo
